OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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