I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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