FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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