You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
