Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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