I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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