She is in my trunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
