looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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