I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
