shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
