dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize