you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
