problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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