I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
