ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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