I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
