It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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