Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
