forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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