You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
