You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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