Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
