no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
