So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
