my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
