I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
