Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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