I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
