guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
