It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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