Already got asked if we're dating
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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