It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
