if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize