Just fell off a train. Bad.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Mom said you looked used
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
