I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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