never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
