Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
