he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
