I want to have your abortion
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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