I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
