Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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