just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
