are you still at the devil's house?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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