That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have already put on my inside pants.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
