Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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