Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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