I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize