you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
