can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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