It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
