Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
