Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
