its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
