During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
