Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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