you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
