Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
