Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
