My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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