my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
