brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
