the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
