how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
