The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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