Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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