It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
