Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
