I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
