If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
