you guys were way drunker than both of me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
