I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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