batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
