What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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