I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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