i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
