that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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