Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
