New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
