YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
