I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
